Being a divorce lawyer who witnesses the painful looks on faces often, I understand the disappointment, the anger and the fear. The stark reality is that divorce law is blind to the broken heart. Although our statutes dictate the processes by which marriage is ended and property divided, it is impossible to legislate the process by which we emotionally heal. Financial prudence sometimes requires tough choices and a client might be required to negotiate property rights and children’s visitation schedules while deep relationship wounds continue to throb. Wounds only heal by degrees and that process is often slower than the duration of the average divorce. My simple advice:
1. ASK QUESTIONS. What are your most important concerns? Children? Financial Security? Retirement rights? Write them down. It is best to gather all your financial and medical documents, make copies and put them someplace safe. You will need them.
2. GET ANSWERS. There are numerous resources available to educate yourself on the different subjects in Family Law. Visit our Focus Forward Family Law Facebook page for numerous posts of articles that you may find interesting.
3. FOCUS FORWARD. Many times as a relationship is ending, a person will re-live relationship “highlights” in their head. Long forgotten old fears from other times in their life may permeate their thoughts. It is not easy to give up on someone that you deeply loved or may still love. By re-focusing your thoughts on your goals for the future, you allow yourself to disengage from painful memories. Often this will make you feel better, quickly. Having control over your thoughts helps relieve the natural anxiety that transition stimulates and allows you to think more positively, on demand. If you can create a mental picture of your new life that makes you smile and focus on it, even for a few moments, you have made a good start. Then it is just about practice. It is not easy to say goodbye to life as you have known it.
Be kind to yourself. Dream Large. Be Courageous.